Spider Woman

My girlfriend and I jump in the sack for some cuddle time the other day and after a few smooches she notices there’s a spider on the ceiling directly above her. My girlfriend absolutely hates spiders. She’d probably kill me for saying this but spiders turn her into a screaming girl. That makes me the spider killer in this house. They don’t really bother me, I think they’re beneficial because they normally kill other insects that I hate more, like flying things. Anyway, she starts wiggling and getting all nervous, asking me to please “take care of it.” I’m like, “yeah, yeah, in a minute… it’s not going anywhere” because I really didn’t want to stand up on the bed just then and try to reach the ceiling.

Then I cuddle her some more, trying to distract her. I’m thinking the spider is going to walk on across the ceiling and I’ll get it later. We’re kissing and out of the corner of my eye I’m looking up at the ceiling, watching that spider. Next thing you know, that damned thing is dropping straight down from the ceiling! I’m watching it… 4 inches, 6, then 14, thinking, shit, I gotta tell her. “Hon? Ummm… you’re probably gonna want to move now because the spider has decided to pay us an up close and personal visit.” She was out of the bed like a shot and swearing, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her move that fast before. Then I had to kill the spider. So much for the mood.

I was reminded of the incident when I read Nona’s spider story. I’ve been reading Nona Martini’s Endless Calamity blog for a while and she always makes me laugh. This girl takes you along for the ride, complete with the vernacular of her antics. She even provides a glossary if you need it. I have to admit, I’m jealous ‘cuz it always seems like she’s having so much fun. And it just kills me that she calls her bun Evermean. I wish I’d thought of that… it’d be a near perfect name for my girlfriend too.


  1. It’s not a butch femme thing.<br>I hate to kills bugs, so I usually hope they’ll just go away. <br>Finally I hired a kitten to do it.

  2. It is a proven scientific fact that if you kill predators, spiders included, it throws the whole ecological balance out of whack. Which doesn’t address your girlfriend’s fear-but it does give her a reason for not killing the damn things. Life is a series of rationalizations.

  3. I have to admit, I react just like your girlfriend does. I can’t explain what caused me to have such a dislike for spiders, but I’ve had it as far back as I recall. My boyfriend too is also the spider "slayer".<br><br>Just look at it this way; you get to be the hero when you kill the bloody things.

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