Well, I’m off to visit my maman in Florida. Since her east coast condo is for sale (she’s moving to the west coast soon) this is my very-last-opportunity to see the annual boat parade on the intercoastal waterway this weekend. Mom has been bugging me to come down for the boat parade in the 8 years she’s been in Pompano and this is my LAST CHANCE. Like I give a rat’s ass about a boat parade but you know… sometimes you gotta go because you have to make mom happy.
Anyway, it’ll probably be some fun. My step-sister and her porn distributor boyfriend will be there from Orlando, and also my step-brother and his wife from San Francisco. Because, you know, it’s their last chance too!
Apparently, this event draws such crowds that it’s often necessary for she and her neighbors to chase trespassers off the property. They have a prime vantage point, being on the intercoastal at the parade turn-around point (we’ll get to see every boat twice!) and they don’t like univited guests at their waterfront cocktail parties.
Last year, a trespassing couple were camped out on the sea wall in front of mom’s place. Mom asked them to leave. They seemed a bit tipsy and did not want to go. Mom insisted they go or she would call the police. The woman said:
Don’t you know who I am?
I don’t really care. You’re trespassing so please leave.
Despite the fact that she thought the woman seemed familiar, Mom was not backing down. Finally after a bit more protest and grumbling, they
floated away got up and left.
Mom said she realized some time later that she’d booted Cameron Diaz. Not that it would have made a difference, mind you. She WAS trespassing during the boat parade.