Here’s the ‘story for another day’ I alluded to previously.
I was afraid to come out to my mother so it was more than a year before I told her about Mel and I. All the while, I’m feeling totally guilty for not telling her because everybody else knows… and no one is surprised. In the long run, I know that my mother will not really have an ongoing problem with my orientation or my relationship but I’m still a chickenshit. Her being in Florida every winter made it easier not to tell but it wasn’t like I wasn’t planning to tell her, I just didn’t have the courage. Finally, my brother ends up inadvertently outing me by telling me to “give Mel a big wet one” over the phone when my mother was within earshot. My mother overheard it, the wheels started turning and she called me back moments later to ask what was going on. I ended up having to explain it all over the phone. Long distance.
Afterwards, my mother is bothered that I didn’t tell her before. Of course, I expected that. The news itself, along with being the last to know, was pretty hard for her to deal with at first. Instead of talking to me about it, she dumped on my brother fairly often and then ended up at PFLAG. She goes to two meetings and decides never to go back because she is traumatized by the speaker at the second meeting who confesses his sleazy affairs to the group which were, according to mom, disgusting and age inappropriate – bordering on pedophilia. In her words, “I can’t believe anyone would try to justify that type of behavior.” My poor mother.
It took a little while but Mom is pretty much fine and all happy now. She still won’t tell any of her friends, at least I don’t think she has. Except for one couple she’s been friends with for years who have a daughter who is – you guessed it – a big homo. I think they helped my mother out alot. They also loaned her a book, fiction, a nice illustration of lesbians as a family. My mother loves Mel now, it turns out they have alot in common. Sometimes they
conspire against discuss me like I’m not there. My mother has even made references to ‘gaining a daughter.’
Now, fairly recently, my mom is like into my being gay or something. She went on a cruise and came home with a poster print for me that she deemed “lezzie” art because the artist only paints women. The other day she went to the movies with a friend. She saw Kissing Jessica Stein in one theater while her friend saw a different movie in another theatre. While she was waiting for her friend’s movie to end she had to call me up on her cell phone and tell me all about the movie, saying that I had to go see it. I had to laugh as I pointed out to her that she thought I’d like it just because of the lesbian content. Still, that’s pretty cool.